Elle Tries...Making a Worry Appointment
Hello hello! I hope you’re all well and having a smooth Tuesday. I’ve been a bit harried myself - certain opportunities I’d been hoping for work-wise all tumbled into fruition at the same time, which is a wonderful but overwhelming situation! The anxiety and decision-fatigue stubbornly perched on my shoulders no matter what I was doing - working, eating, exercising…it became ever-present unfortunately. I was more worked up than I needed to be, and even though I knew that logically, trying to stop worrying can be so futile.
While I was on a walk, which is typically where I have the most clarity, I remembered reading about something called a “worry appointment,” and figured now would be the time to look into it.
What’s a Worry Appointment?
A worry appointment is simply time you set aside to time to worry! You let it rip during your appointment in either a journal or to a trusted person. The idea is to bring your anxiety to the surface, and address it objectively. When the time is up, you then place your fears on the shelf so they’re not clouding the rest of your day.
There are two key mechanisms to this practice. The first is that putting your feelings into words lowers arousal in the amygdala (the part of your brain that governs stress response).
The second mechanism is that addressing your fears gives a sense of agency and control. Anxiety is just our brains trying to protect us; I think there’s a deeply held but erroneous belief that ruminating constantly gives us more control over a stressful situation. I think bringing anxiety out of the shadows soothes the part of our brain that equates rumination with control.
The Verdict
I’ve pretty much never made a quick decision on anything in my life, so I made worry appointments with my family, friends, and journal! 😅
I found that consciously surfacing my worries pulled them out of my body. My shoulders loosened, my stomach softened, and I’m pretty sure my heart rate went down. Letting that steam out also cleared my head. Finding clarity made it easier to commit to a decision, and reduce stress-inducing vacillations.
I’d be lying if I said I effectively shelved my anxieties outside of my worry appointment. I absolutely had some leakage, but the aforementioned clarity on my situation made it a little easier not to worry all day. My sleep has also been better than it typically would be when I’m wrestling with a decision or stressed about an outcome, so that’s a win!
I also got some mental relief from confiding in loved ones; it feels really good to be able to share freely and be seen by the people in your life! I have some special supportive listeners in my community (you know who you are, I love you!).
Just as importantly, I picked up a sense of reassurance that I have my back too - I trust all the versions of me in scheduled worry appointments, past and future, that are problem solving thoughtfully and trying to always do the right thing. This may have been the most poignant outcome of making worry appointments. I can be really hard on myself, and it was kind of big for me to accept that I’m doing a good job of being responsible, honest, aligned with my values, and trustworthy to make a good decision. Getting older is scary in some ways, but a silver lining has definitely been settling into my own skin and trusting myself more.
So, here’s to us - I’m glad to be aging (hopefully) gracefully alongside you all, and growing in understanding, compassion and appreciation for ourselves and those around us!
Catch you in two weeks 💙